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Emerge

by Chris von Sneidern

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1.
Madrigal 01:54
2.
Emerge 04:39
Emerge Although so long ago I recall a horror show A boy afraid to swim is going in Screaming I am thrown To the bottom like a stone Betrayed, my undertaking would begin When I was too young A memory stuck in strong But wrong Margins moving in My worries sticking in Imagine feeling drowned Oppressed, confused, and bound I flee to other hideouts underground I contemplate my life The tears, the years of strife I'm tired, it’s time for me to be healed So while I sink down there The bottom cold and bare I find a new way out and then emerge
3.
Fight 04:42
Fight You’re gonna fight Yeah, you’re gonna fight You’re gonna fight a lot, whether you like it or not Dad has the hatchet, mom’s in the bed Big Jim’s gonna get it in the arm or the head Everyone’s hurt, everyone’s scarred My brother and I still asleep in the car in the ‘62 Chevy, I wake to the night High beams revealing a figure in light Nothing makes sense, my brother’s upset Your father in handcuffs, you’ll never forget You’re gonna get it You hit me, I hit you, you hit me, I hit you School bus teasing was too much to bear Hit with a hammer and blood in my hair My mother’s advice with infinite grace- “Just punch the bastard in the goddamn face” Next week we fought in the mud and the grass The neighbors, my brother, the 6th grade class I bloodied his nose, and what did I get? Dinner at Sambo’s and the TV set You’re going to stand up to him He’s gonna face off with you You’re gonna fight till the end Cos that’s how we do…FIGHT! Fight fight Thanksgiving fight, Big Jim hit her hard Mom’s looking for her glasses in the unraked yard Big Jim eats, my brother lets out a sob Crying in his turkey while I’m stuffing my gob Doing the sound in a bar with a stage I got a reputation, but this guy’s in a rage Pegged pants, Chuck Taylors, and some toe-headed dude They want an early load in so I know I’m screwed Indie rock singer that no one will hear Having a tantrum with his thrift store gear Too young to know better, too old to be hip Shoves me off the stage and I do a backflip In another age, I repressed my rage I fantasized with violent eyes Let me turn the page I will not engage I choose not to fight you guys
4.
Tree Fort 04:16
Tree Fort Built to keep all the rain out And be all hidden This is my tree fort and All Are Forbidden Short applause from poplar trees Congratulations no one sees On my platform of stolen wood I’d stay all winter if I could Tree fort, tree fort Suspicious of valuables I cannot collect No locks, no lights, no fence to protect In fear of intrusions I have to avoid If I make this too nice, it will be destroyed Silently sitting all damp with rain I’ve taken the throne in my domain There’s nothing to do now, I’ll never learn If you have to leave, you can’t return Tree fort, tree fort aw yeah I’m alone And not afraid I dream of life I saw the stars This is my house My little man cave I feel grown up Watching, hiding in here Sounds of spanking, you scream and shout as the fireman put your tree fort out Sundown you better take care, left a candle burning in your backyard lair Tree fort, tree fort Tree fort
5.
Hey Ron 04:06
Hey Ron Lonely soul Saved by rock ‘n’ roll The riff gets into me, the groove straight thru the door Harmony on a sweet free melody Timely reverie Soothes me to the core Speak To Me, Live With Me, Rock ‘n’ Roll Lock the door Lie down on the dusty floor Studyin’ the liner notes Crediting the great unknowns Wood and wire, Fender amplifier The stereo goes till the bass gets in my bones Stay With Me, Drink To Me Rock ‘n’ Roll Stand By Me, Night Klub Burned out basement but they got some good speakers On the floor with headphones in my sweaty old sneakers Finger flickin’ through the B’s and C’s of my collection Thirty seconds left till I spin the next selection Lean On Me, Call On Me, Rock ‘n’ Roll Hold Me Tight, Start Me Up, Lonely soul needs his Rock ‘n’ Roll The beat gets under me, lifts me off the floor Harmony with the New World Symphony Twelve records for a penny Let me pick one, can we get some more? Hear Me Lord, Time Is Tight Rock ‘n’ Roll Babylon, Come On, Come On, Rock ‘n’ Roll Hand In Hand, Garageland Rock ‘n’ Roll Don’t Lie To Me, O My Soul Rock ‘n’ Roll Tell Me Why, Hushabye Rock ‘n’ Roll
6.
Feline 03:44
Feline Cooing little cutie with the cross eyed blues I’d never trust you Short haired, champagne, calling out my name like we were just two Quiet on your feet, you wouldn’t take a seat just a little run-through Then you were checking out my pad, make yourself at home, I said Feline, feline, feline, feline, feline, feline Feline, feline, feline, feline, feline, feline Not paying attention you mention two vital things that give me signal Oh kitten, I’m smitten although we’ve only just met I’m intermingled Now you’re all up in my world Like I’m thinking you’d be my girl? Feline, feline, feline, feline, feline, feline What do you want Feline, feline, feline, feline, feline, feline My feline whether or not it’s for real You’re so fine who knows...why care how it feels? Let’s combine A stranger still understands Our bloodline the sight and sounds of strange lands Missing for days I come back thinking of ways to make it right Wearing two hats, I figure all other cats would have to fight You’re reeling, I’m dealing with something bigger than me that leaves me sadly contrite So, to sneak in once is alright, but you can’t stay every night Feline, feline, feline, feline, feline, feline Feline, feline, feline, feline, feline, feline
7.
Leaving Here 06:14
Leaving here Strained at the end of my rope Tied to the ways I’m taught Pain has relief and release I stumble as I reach out Plans are hatched to leave the nest Hopes set to survive ‘cause I’m leaving here I couldn’t say it out loud I moved on while no one saw It hurt so much deeper that way All unresolved and raw Fear filled our mouths that day Words of love had ceased Bad news, as bad as it was Offered a topic at least Travel so far and so wide to the stars! I look back to make sure you see I never thought we would get too far apart but this is a place I can be Where does the wanderer go? Deeper inside himself Finding excuses, unable to see Deeper inside himself Just leaving here Just leaving home If in time you change your mind I’ll help you out You’re still my baby boy Me, the prodigal son Trying to resume the game So out of touch with your lives Can I reveal my shame? Out there I’ve made my life Somehow I found my way Now give me permission, help me along Tell me it’s okay For leaving here For leaving home
8.
Ravens 03:16
Ravens Ravens flying as a pair Are they fighting, do they care Don’t fly away Don’t run away, we live today One direction all day long Rising rock forms feeling strong Oceans nearing Surfing song I hadn’t noticed Stretched out long Don’t run away Don’t fly away Don’t scare us off, tread lightly where you go Don’t run away
9.
It's Time To Go hello how are you is it so it's time to go are you ready? no are you sure? i don't know it's time to go life is short it is good we'd all have a second chance if we could i'm scared and alone i'm sorry i know it's time to go it's just begun how so it's over good run it's time to go goodbye it's time to go
10.
Breathe 05:02
Breathe What’ll I do? What’ll I do? Now she’s gone and I can’t take it Distractions and kicks, this I can fake Dunk me back down in the water Work on myself maybe do nothing Swimming is safe with a partner Floating alone, floating not so together Holding my breath even harder What’ll I do? Breathe out, breathe in Can’t go home no one to play songs to No one to write letters to I hitched my wagon to a woman who needs to prove I need her too Like grains of sand, throw her back in Melt down my mind and roam I own nothing but now I am walking all the way back home Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out What’ll I do?
11.
It's Gonna Be Alright I did it back then I'm gonna have to do it all again it hurt me way back when it's going to hurt for a while again I've made my bet I'm gonna have to make with all I'll get it's only work I see and there's a whole lot more for me I had a chance I remember when and now it's time to take a chance again I wonder why the time is now but it was always time Things have a way of working themselves out for the best Now's the time to step up, mourn the loss and leave the rest It's gonna be alright don't go away It's gonna be alright don't run away It will be alright I know I wanted it then I'm gonna want to do it all again It waits inside below desire for ones I must forgo When hopes have flown I tolerate some time to be alone to lick the wounds, they'll split some more this reunion nevermore It's where I've been, but can't remember when I'm gonna have to go there once again 'cause with what I've just been dealt I'm gonna learn to know just how it felt It makes up everything I am come here come here and everything I do in everywhere i go It's gonna be alright 'cause I’m afraid to change I’m afraid to try I’m afraid to jump, afraid to fly I’m afraid to live I’m afraid to cry I’m afraid to love I’m afraid to die
12.
Why Didn't You Save Me? Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you take my hand, and make me understand Why couldn’t you touch me, a simple act to love me I never knew what to do, what to trust, or whom I assumed I didn’t deserve it and too shy to mind Why couldn’t you keep it, keep it all together A little boy who needs his dad, something you never had I’ve hidden it deep inside, now it’s something I cannot hide Why couldn’t you stay with me, protect and pray for me They babysat me after school and drowned me in the pool They fished me out, but I know what this joke’s about I was a little guy, couldn’t defend myself Shouldn’t be expected to do it myself, I needed your help Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you keep an eye, keep me away from that guy Why didn’t you hold me, instead ignore and scold me Fear and shame and guilt is how I’m built Why didn’t you see me, what it’s like to be me Like a mirror reflecting you, repeating the things you do Why couldn’t I save you, why couldn’t I save you? Why couldn’t I make you smile, entertain you all the while Why couldn’t you save me? Why couldn’t you save me? Why didn't you save me?
13.
Grow Up and Start Having Fun My days fill with endless joy Suspended in contingencies Will I allow myself to become what I’m bound to be? Strange, so strange, to change, how my mind’s arranged Tomorrow’s a rising sun, grow up and start having fun If I wanna let it in, why can’t I let it go? But some days I float so free and all of me can show Strange, so strange, to change, how my mind’s arranged Ideas becoming one, grow up and start having fun Is it like giving up? More like taking it on Is it death of your youth? It’s a beginning for me Can you do what you want? It’s your life and you can do what you want Death to my vanity Simple wisdom to seek New joys replace the old But bittersweet after the peak Strange, so strange, to change, how my mind’s arranged No badge for battles won No breaks for anyone Grow up and start having fun
14.
Animal 10:56
Animal You’re an animal You’re an animal Teeth sharp, bleed the beast, You’re an animal Same as you are, you freaky beasts You’re an animal Yes, an animal Scream, shout, slave to the moon, you’re an animal You’re an animal an animal Run, hide, death will come soon, animal Save your coupons, save your dimes Special offer, you’re out of time, animals You’re an animal Yeah, an animal You work eat sleep, animal You’re an animal You’re an animal Why can’t you fall asleep, ha ha ha ha 2 a.m. choices, life on the edge, you have Insomniac nightmares, impossible schedule, and you’re an animal You’re stuck in traffic, a crash in the rain Afraid of the subway, you stand on the train, all the way home You’re an animal an animal Adventure in sorrow, our stories are one animal You’re an animal You’re an animal Taming your beasts, nurture the young animals Shelter and comforts, lucky in crime Aging and illness, money and time It’s a hard fact of life...you know. Ha! The animal sees the animal Sensing, watching, the distance in feet to the animal The animal looks the animal in the eyes, you’re on the street, like an animal You look away, don’t bring the heat, we’re just animals This animal, I know this animal Selfish, lazy, vain as well, you’re an animal He’s fearful, lonesome, scared as hell You’re an animal

credits

released July 27, 2019

Ben Andrews - violin
Carroll Ashby - trombone
Jamin Barton - saxophone
Rob Bayne - percussion
Nelson Bragg - percussion
Bryan Cain
Marc Capelle - piano
Danny Eisenberg - organ
Ari Gorman - bass
Michael Israel - drums
Kevin Jarvis - drums
Robert Lloyd - mandolin
Prairie Prince - drums
Pete Straus - bass
John Stuart - drums
Chris von Sneidern - bass, keyboards, guitar, vocals, producer mixer

Recorded in Tape Vault Studio, San Francisco
Additional recording Hyde St Studios, SF and Sonic Boom Room, Venice, CA

Photography Charlie Homo, White Sands New Mexico

www.ChrisvonSneidern.com
©℗ 2019 Chris von Sneidern

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Chris von Sneidern San Francisco, California

Chris von Sneidern (CvS) is a San Francisco-based singer/songwriter and recording artist with thirteen critically acclaimed, self-produced albums. CvS has entertained audiences with his music in Japan, Spain, and throughout the UK and USA. He owns and operates a commercial recording studio in San Francisco. ... more

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